Let's be honest, Billy Ray's ain't winning any mixology awards. Their liquor selection is basically the "greatest hits" of your average liquor cabinet: dependable, familiar, but nothing that'll knock your socks off. Forget your Aperol spritzes and fancy cocktails, here it's all about the classics served neat or with a splash of something equally unfussy. Think of it as the bar equivalent of that reliable pair of jeans you keep meaning to replace, but they're just so darn comfortable.
The atmosphere? Surprisingly chill. The music's classic 70s/80s, loud enough for a singalong but quiet enough to actually hold a conversation (unlike some of those trendy ear-splitting joints). The lighting's surprisingly bright, considering the single window – maybe Billy Ray himself is a vampire slayer and needs all the light he can get? Don't expect the bartender to become your BFF, but they'll get you your drink with a minimum of fuss.
Bathrooms? Think "efficiency apartment" sized. There's a curtain separating the throne from the urinal, so don't expect a Pulitzer Prize-winning bathroom selfie. Bonus points for the daily comics strategically placed above the urinals – gotta keep yourself entertained during those crucial moments of reflection, right?
Food? Forget about it (but not in a good way). This ain't that kind of bar. But hey, there's a diverse selection of restaurants right outside, so you can fuel up beforehand and then come here for some classic tunes and friendly neighborhood vibes. Speaking of friendly vibes, the bartender was chilling with some patrons who were, get this, shredding on finger skateboards. So yeah, Billy Ray's is all about inclusivity – as long as you leave your credit card at home (it's cash only, folks).
The Verdict: Billy Ray's is the kind of bar your dad would probably love. It's familiar, it's affordable ($4 Monarch vodka, anyone?), and it's got that strong sense of community that makes you feel like you're hanging out at a friend's place (albeit a friend with questionable bathroom decor). Just don't expect a Michelin-starred cocktail menu or pool tables. This is pure, unadulterated dive bar fun, complete with fingerboard virtuosos and a healthy dose of nostalgia. Just remember, if you're easily flustered by awkward silences, brush up on your 80s trivia – you might just find yourself bonding with your fellow patrons over who sang "Like a Prayer" first.
🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌 (6 out of 10 bananas)
-Rainbow Randy 🌈
Billy Ray's Dive
2216 NE Martin Luther King Jr Blvd.
Portland, OR 97212
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