Ah, my fabulous darlings, let's spill the tea on the Portland Eagle Bar. It's a place where you can strut your feathers and stir your spirits, even if they are more of the standard variety.
First, let's chat about the drinks, shall we? The selection is what you might call "good enough," though nothing here will make your taste buds do a standing ovation. But fear not, for they've got that 10% alcohol magic for your well vodka soda, featuring Shine distillery vodka, all for the princely sum of $5. It's enough to make your wallet do a little happy dance.
Now, let's get to the atmosphere. Inside, it's darker than your ex's soul, setting the mood for all your clandestine rendezvous. The music, a generic pop playlist, is the backdrop for your escapades – not too loud to drown out the whispers of intrigue. The staff? Friendly as kittens at a yarn convention, but beware, they're all fiercely protective of their turf at the bar.
Ah, the bathroom situation. It's got a trough – yes, darling, a trough. I don't know about you, but I like my bathroom experiences to involve less spectators, but hey, some like that. On the bright side, there's a lockable bathroom nearby for those who prefer their business to be a private affair with options for purchasing a lift ticket.
Entertainment options? Darling, they've got it all. Pool, lottery, and TVs playing both HGTV and low-grade gay pornography. It's like a choose-your-own-adventure for your evening's entertainment. Plus, there are two outdoor spaces – one with heaters for when you want to toast your buns, and the other fully outdoor for those who like to feel the wind beneath their wings.
Let's talk about food. They've got a good selection of Mexican fare from the neighboring restaurant, and on Sundays after 3 pm, they throw in some free BBQ. Who doesn't love a little Sunday BBQ action?
Now, when it comes to accessibility, it's a bit of an obstacle course. You'll have to embark on a 0.3-mile journey from the nearest MAX line, but be prepared to cross an interstate and brave several busy roads. It's a bit like an adventure, isn't it?
In summary, the Portland Eagle Bar is a cruisy, economical, and popular spot that's as PDX iconic as it gets. It's a leather-clad, potentially scandalous, and somewhat sticky affair – but not from the drinks, mind you. So, don your best leather harness and assless chaps and flutter your fabulous self over here. Just remember, darlings, don't lay in the trough, and you might want to get tested later. Cheers to a night of iconic debauchery!
🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌 (9 out of 10 bananas)
-Rainbow Randy 🌈
Eagle Portland
835 N Lombard St, Portland, OR 97217
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