Alright, buckle up, folks, because Rainbow Randy is about to spill the tea on Kelly's Olympian. Get ready for the sass, the snark, and the fabulousity – no "darlings" necessary.
Dive into a sea of options at Kelly's Olympian, where the liquor variety is more extensive than my collection of ex-lovers' apologies. Draft beers flow like a river of glitter, and the cocktails? Well, let's just say they're the avant-garde fashion of the drink world. Clocking in at a solid 13%, these concoctions have more punch than a celebrity feud. And the price? A mere $8 – cheaper than the therapy I'll need after dealing with some of these drinks.
Picture this: one sad window attempting to let in daylight, neon lights illuminating the joint like a drag queen's dressing room, and a playlist that's the lovechild of country and jazz – a musical genre identity crisis in the best way possible. The staff won't be exchanging friendship bracelets, but they'll take your order with a professionalism that rivals a seasoned poker player – no eye rolls included.
Bathrooms? No red carpet here, just your standard office bathroom with stalls and urinals. But hey, at least you won't be side-eyed for lingering a bit too long. It's not luxury, but it gets the job done – much like a budget vacation.
We had dreams of ordering a feast fit for a drag queen, but alas, the bartender vanished like a magician's assistant. The menu boasts the usual bar suspects with a sprinkle of uniqueness – apparently, there are sandwiches and salads that could rival a fashion runway. Maybe next time, I'll bring a foghorn to ensure my culinary desires don't disappear into thin air.
A stone's throw from the MAX line, Kelly's Olympian invites you to embark on a journey. But beware, darling, it's not all rainbows and unicorns. Biker gangs lurk around like they own the place, so grab your sidearm and clutch your purses. It's like Route 66 detoured into Portland with a pit stop of live music to keep things interesting.
In summary, Kelly's Olympian is a diamond in the rough, like finding vintage Chanel in a thrift store. It's as old and established as your grandma's secret pancake recipe. The bartenders might be more committed to their phones than your order, but the neon signs illuminate a diverse crowd, making it a spectacle worth witnessing.
So, if you're feeling adventurous, don your sassiest ensemble, summon your sense of humor, and step into the glitter-filled arena that is Kelly's Olympian. It's a rollercoaster, and you might just leave with more stories than your eccentric aunt at Thanksgiving.
🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌 (7 out of 10 bananas)
-Rainbow Randy 🌈
Kelly's Olympian
426 SW Washington St, Portland, OR 97204
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